1202 lines
58 KiB
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1202 lines
58 KiB
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<meta name="article:published_time" content="2014-02-24 14:37:09" />
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<span>Why Some Youth Bully</span>
|
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</a>
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<a href="/bullying/at-risk" class="usa-nav__link">
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<span>Who Is at Risk</span>
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<li class=" usa-nav__submenu-item ">
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<a href="/bullying/warning-signs" class="usa-nav__link">
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<span>Warning Signs for Bullying</span>
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<a href="/bullying/effects" class="usa-nav__link">
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<span>Effects of Bullying</span>
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<a href="/bullying/bullying-and-trauma" class="usa-nav__link">
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<span>Bullying and Trauma</span>
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<a href="/bullying/groups" class="usa-nav__link">
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<span>Race, Ethnicity, National Origin & Religion</span>
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<a href="/bullying/military-connected-youth-and-bullying" class="usa-nav__link">
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<a href="/bullying/other-types-of-aggressive-behavior" class="usa-nav__link">
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<span>Other Aggressive Behavior</span>
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<button class="usa-accordion__button usa-nav__link " aria-expanded="false" aria-controls="megamenu-2">
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<span>Cyberbullying</span>
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<a href="/cyberbullying/what-is-it" class="usa-nav__link">
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<span>What Is Cyberbullying</span>
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<a href="/cyberbullying/cyberbullying-tactics" class="usa-nav__link">
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<span>Cyberbullying Tactics</span>
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<li class=" usa-nav__submenu-item ">
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<a href="/cyberbullying/prevention" class="usa-nav__link">
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<span>Prevent Cyberbullying</span>
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<a href="/cyberbullying/social-media-apps-sites-commonly-used-children-teens" class="usa-nav__link">
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<span>Social Media and Apps</span>
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<a href="/cyberbullying/cyberbullying-online-gaming" class="usa-nav__link">
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<span>Cyberbullying and Gaming</span>
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<a href="/cyberbullying/digital-awareness-for-parents" class="usa-nav__link">
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<span>Digital Awareness for Parents</span>
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<a href="/cyberbullying/establishing-rules" class="usa-nav__link">
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<span>Establishing Rules</span>
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<a href="/cyberbullying/tips-for-teachers" class="usa-nav__link">
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<span>Tips for Teachers</span>
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<li class=" usa-nav__submenu-item ">
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<a href="/cyberbullying/how-to-report" class="usa-nav__link">
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<span>Report Cyberbullying</span>
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<button class="usa-accordion__button usa-nav__link " aria-expanded="false" aria-controls="megamenu-3">
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<span>Prevention</span>
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</button>
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<ul id="megamenu-3" class="usa-nav__submenu usa-megamenu">
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<li class=" usa-nav__submenu-item ">
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<a href="/prevention/how-to-prevent-bullying" class="usa-nav__link">
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<span>How to Prevent Bullying</span>
|
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|
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<li class=" usa-nav__submenu-item ">
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<a href="/prevention/at-school" class="usa-nav__link">
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<span>Prevention at School</span>
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</a>
|
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</li>
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<li class=" usa-nav__submenu-item ">
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<a href="/prevention/assess-bullying" class="usa-nav__link">
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<span>Assess Bullying</span>
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</a>
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</li>
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<li class=" usa-nav__submenu-item ">
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<a href="/prevention/engage-parents" class="usa-nav__link">
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<span>Engage Parents & Youth</span>
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</a>
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<li class=" usa-nav__submenu-item ">
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<a href="/prevention/rules" class="usa-nav__link">
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<span>Set Policies & Rules</span>
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<li class=" usa-nav__submenu-item ">
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<a href="/prevention/build-safe-environment" class="usa-nav__link">
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<span>Build a Safe Environment</span>
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<li class=" usa-nav__submenu-item ">
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<a href="/prevention/in-the-community" class="usa-nav__link">
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<span>Working in the Community</span>
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</a>
|
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</li>
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<li class=" usa-nav__submenu-item ">
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<a href="/prevention/bullying-prevention-in-extra-curricular-activities" class="usa-nav__link">
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<span>Prevention in Extra-Curricular Activities</span>
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</a>
|
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</li>
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<li class=" usa-nav__submenu-item ">
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|
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<a href="/prevention/on-the-spot" class="usa-nav__link">
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<span>Respond to Bullying</span>
|
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</a>
|
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|
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</li>
|
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<li class=" usa-nav__submenu-item ">
|
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|
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<a href="/prevention/support-kids-involved" class="usa-nav__link">
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<span>Support the Kids Involved</span>
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</a>
|
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</li>
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<li class=" usa-nav__submenu-item ">
|
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<a href="/prevention/bystanders-to-bullying" class="usa-nav__link">
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<span>Bystanders to Bullying</span>
|
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</a>
|
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|
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</li>
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<li class=" usa-nav__submenu-item ">
|
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<a href="/prevention/help-children-build-resilience" class="usa-nav__link">
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<span>Help Children Build Resilience</span>
|
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</a>
|
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<li class=" usa-nav__submenu-item ">
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<a href="/prevention/middle-school" class="usa-nav__link">
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<span>Tips for Parents of Middle Schoolers</span>
|
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</a>
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</li>
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</ul>
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<li class="usa-nav__primary-item ">
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<button class="usa-accordion__button usa-nav__link " aria-expanded="false" aria-controls="megamenu-4">
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<span>Resources</span>
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</button>
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<ul id="megamenu-4" class="usa-nav__submenu usa-megamenu">
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<li class=" usa-nav__submenu-item ">
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<a href="/resources/get-help-now" class="usa-nav__link">
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<span>Get Help Now</span>
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</a>
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</li>
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<li class=" usa-nav__submenu-item ">
|
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|
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|
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<a href="/resources/facts" class="usa-nav__link">
|
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<span>Facts About Bullying</span>
|
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</a>
|
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</li>
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<li class=" usa-nav__submenu-item ">
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|
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<a href="/resources/laws" class="usa-nav__link">
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<span>Laws & Policies</span>
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</a>
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<li class=" usa-nav__submenu-item ">
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<a href="/resources/research-resources" class="usa-nav__link">
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<span>Research Resources</span>
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</a>
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<li class=" usa-nav__submenu-item ">
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<a href="/resources/how-to-talk-about-bullying" class="usa-nav__link">
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<span>How to Talk About Bullying</span>
|
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</a>
|
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</li>
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<li class=" usa-nav__submenu-item ">
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<a href="/resources/what-you-can-do" class="usa-nav__link">
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<span>What You Can Do</span>
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</a>
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<li class=" usa-nav__submenu-item ">
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<a href="/resources/teens" class="usa-nav__link">
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<span>What Teens Can Do</span>
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</a>
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</li>
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<li class=" usa-nav__submenu-item ">
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<a href="/resources/training-center" class="usa-nav__link">
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<span>Training Center</span>
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</a>
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<li class=" usa-nav__submenu-item ">
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<a href="/resources/media-guidelines" class="usa-nav__link">
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<span>Media Guidelines</span>
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</a>
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<li class=" usa-nav__submenu-item ">
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<a href="/videos-social-media" class="usa-nav__link">
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<span>Videos & Social Media</span>
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</a>
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<li class=" usa-nav__submenu-item ">
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<a href="/resources/external" class="usa-nav__link">
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<span>External Resources</span>
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</a>
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</li>
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</ul>
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</li>
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<li class="usa-nav__primary-item ">
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<a href="/kids" class="usa-nav__link">
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<span>Kids</span>
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</a>
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</li>
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<li class="usa-nav__primary-item ">
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<a href="/resources/get-help-now" class="usa-nav__link">
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<span>Get Help Now</span>
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</a>
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</li>
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</ul>
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</div>
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<div class="usa-nav__secondary">
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<div class="region region-secondary-menu">
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<form
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class="search-block-form usa-form-large usa-search usa-search-small usa-search--small js-search-form"
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data-drupal-selector="search-block-form"
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action="/search-results"
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id="search-block-form"
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accept-charset="UTF-8"
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>
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<div role="search">
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<div class="js-form-item form-item js-form-type-search form-item-keys js-form-item-keys form-no-label">
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<div class="usa-form-group js-form-item form-item js-form-type-search form-item- js-form-item- form-no-label">
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<label class="usa-label visually-hidden">Search form using Search.gov <span class="usa-hint">(optional)</span></label>
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<input data-drupal-selector="hhs-search-input-67be076a41dd6" id="hhs-search-input-67be076a41dd6" aria-label="Search form using Search.gov" class="form-search usa-input usagov-search-autocomplete" name="query" autocomplete="on" type="search" size="60" maxlength="128" placeholder="Search" />
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<input type="hidden" name="referrer" value="https://www.stopbullying.gov/blog/2014/02/24/empowering-adopted-youth-handle-questions-or-comments-about-adoption" />
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<div data-drupal-selector="edit-actions" class="form-actions js-form-wrapper form-wrapper" id="edit-actions">
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<button
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data-drupal-selector="edit-submit"
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id="uswds-search"
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aria-label="Search"
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value="Search"
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class="button usa-button js-form-submit form-submit"
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type="submit">
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<span class="usa-sr-only">Search</span>
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<ul class="usa-nav__secondary-links">
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<li class="js-search-button-container usa-nav__secondary-item"><button class="usa-header-search-button js-search-button">Search</button></li>
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<li class="usa-nav__secondary-item">
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<a href="/blog" data-drupal-link-system-path="blog">Blog</a>
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<span class="usa-nav__secondary--list usa-accordion">
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<button class="usa-accordion__button usa-nav__link" aria-expanded="false" aria-controls="usa-nav-language">
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<span>Language</span>
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<ul id="usa-nav-language" class="usa-nav__submenu" hidden="">
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<li class="usa-nav__submenu-item">
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<a href="https://www.stopbullying.gov/">English</a>
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<a href="https://espanol.stopbullying.gov/" class="langLink" mpdisurl="data-href" mporgnav="href" data-href="espanol.stopbullying.gov" data-lang="es">Español</a>
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<a href="https://zh.stopbullying.gov/" class="langLink" mpdisurl="data-href" mporgnav="href" data-href="zh.stopbullying.gov" data-lang="zs">Chinese | 中文</a>
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<a href="https://ko.stopbullying.gov/" class="langLink" mpdisurl="data-href" mporgnav="href" data-href="ko.stopbullying.gov" data-lang="ko">Korean | 한국어</a>
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</ul>
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</span>
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</ul></li>
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</ul>
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<main id="main-content" class="usa-section padding-top-0 margin-top-0">
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<div id="system-breadcrumb" class="visually-hidden">Breadcrumb</div>
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<ol class="add-list-reset uswds-breadcrumbs uswds-horizontal-list" aria-labelledby="system-breadcrumb">
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Empowering Adopted Youth to Handle Questions or Comments About Adoption
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<div class="views-element-container settings-tray-editable block block-views block-views-blockblog-sidebar-blocks-blog-categories-block" id="block-blog-categories-block" data-drupal-settingstray="editable">
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<h2>Categories</h2>
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<li class="usa-sidenav__item"><div class="views-field views-field-name"><span class="field-content"><a title="Cyberbullying" href="/blog/categories/cyberbullying">Cyberbullying (15)</a></span></div></li>
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<h1 class="uswds-page-title page-title"><p>Empowering Adopted Youth to Handle Questions or Comments About Adoption</p>
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<span class="node__submitted-date">Feb 24, 2014</span>
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<span class="node__submitted-authors"> By: <a href="/blog/authors/ellen-singer" hreflang="en">Ellen Singer</a>, Center for Adoption Support and Education
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and <a href="/blog/authors/steffie-rapp" hreflang="en">Steffie Rapp</a>, Juvenile Justice Specialist, Office of Justice Programs, U.S. Department of Justice, and StopBullying.gov Ed Board member
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<div class="usa-prose field field--name-field-uswds-body field--type-text-long field--label-hidden field__item"><p>It is the rare adopted child who has not received questions and comments about adoption. They come from people who know them or from complete strangers:</p>
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<ul>
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<li><em>“Do you know anything about your ‘real’ parents?”</em></li>
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<li><em>“Why were you adopted?”</em></li>
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<li><em>“Do you want to find your ‘real’ parents?”</em> <em>or </em></li>
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<li><em>“How come you don’t look like your parents?” </em> </li>
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</ul>
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<p>Some people ask adopted kids questions because they are being friendly or curious. Most are unaware of the embarrassment and pain their questions or comments may cause. Other kids may intentionally attempt to tease or bully an adopted youth. Their comments can be painful. These questions often go right to the heart of adoptees’ self-concept and self-esteem, challenging who they are and where they belong. This may mirror the exact questions that adopted children may be pondering themselves as they struggle to make sense of what being adopted means to them. </p>
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<p>As they cope with normal feelings of loss and grief related to adoption, they may be wondering “Why didn’t my birth mother want me?” or “Was something wrong with me?” If children who bully look for vulnerability, they may sense they have found a good target. Kids can feel caught off guard, do not know how to respond or may regret what they say or don’t say. Children and teens report being left with a variety of painful emotions…confusion, anger, embarrassment, sadness or frustration.</p>
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<p>In response to this predicament, it is important to empower youth to respond to questions and comments made about adoption. Whatever the context for the adoption-related question or comment, adopted children feel most confident when they feel a sense of control. </p>
|
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||
<p><a class="external-link" href="http://adoptionsupport.org/index.php/about-us/">The Center for Adoption Support and Education</a> developed a program “W.I.S.E. UP!℠” to give children a tool to take control. The program promotes the following:</p>
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<ul>
|
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<li><strong>First</strong>, empower children to realize that they have a wealth of information about adoption, because of their first- hand experience growing up in an adoptive family. </li>
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<li><strong>Second</strong>, when an uncomfortable situation occurs, children should stop and think about who is asking the question/making the comment and evaluate the reason for the question. Is it from a trusted teacher or friend or someone who is trying to bully? Is the person just curious or trying to be mean? </li>
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<li><strong>Third</strong>, children need to learn to identify how they feel about 1) the person asking the question/making the comment, 2) how they feel about the question/comment, and 3) when the question is being asked – for example, are they alone with their friend, or in front of other classmates. This thought process helps children “slow down” and take charge, in preparation for the next empowering step which is to actively CHOOSE how to respond.</li>
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<p>In the final step, children learn that they have four possible options for responding – each represented by the four letters of W.I.S.E., a tool designed for quick memorization:</p>
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<p><strong>W</strong> = WALK AWAY, or ignore what you hear.</p>
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<p><strong>I </strong>= IT’S PRIVATE, I do not have to share information with anyone, and I can say that appropriately, even to adults.</p>
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<p><strong>S </strong>= SHARE SOMETHING about my adoption story, but I can think carefully about what I want to let others know.</p>
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<p><strong>E</strong> = EDUCATE OTHERS about adoption in general, for example, I can talk about how adoption works today, successful adoptees, inaccurate information in the media, etc. I know a lot about it.</p>
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<p>Through role-playing and lots of practice, children/teens can choose how they want to handle a potentially hurtful situation without hesitation. They also learn to anticipate additional questions that may come when they respond. Having tools on hand can turn a challenging moment into an experience of confidence and success.</p></div>
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